English is the lingua franca of today's wired world. It is called the universal language. One out of every seven human beings can speak or read it. Half of the world's books and 3/4th of the international mail are written in English. It has the largest and richest vocabulary. Nevertheless, there are instances which make the language seem funny due to contradictory words and phrases. There are many words in English having multiple meanings which makes it quite confusing to learn especially for a small child. I feel very helpless when my toddler eagerly asks me "Why are the words 'eyes' and 'ice' pronounced the same way when both have absolutely nothing in common?" or "I was asked to have my dessert but is it not impossible to eat a 'desert'?" or "What is the need for the letter 'h' in 'hour' if it's supposed to be silent?". Multiple-meaning words can only understood be from the context in which it is used. To understand this, a thorough learning of the language is very essential. There are inexplicably silent letters in many words like 'k' in 'knife', 'know'; 'p' in 'psychology' and not to mention Lake Mbosco in Congo!! Numerous examples can be given to prove such conundrums of the English language.

If one takes the case of plurals, the plural of goose is geese, then why isn't meese the plural of moose? The plural of choose is not cheese isn't it? A box in its plural becomes boxes. But the plural of ox is not oxes (it is oxen). A pair of foot is called feet but a pair of boots is not called beet. Similarly, the plural of tooth is teeth but booth does not become beeth.

The origin of some words seem senseless. For instance, French fries was not invented in France, then why is it called so? There is no egg in an eggplant, no ham in a hamburger and no apple in a pineapple. Guinea pig is neither from guinea nor is it a pig. English muffins were not invented in England. Likewise, there is no butter on butterflies and strawberries don't resemble a straw nor are they made up of straw.

As I mentioned before, one word can have multiple meanings in English. Here are some sentences which could get your brains working. Since there was no time to present, he thought it was time to present the present. Bandage is wound around the wound. The child decided to desert his dessert in the desert. How can I intimate my thoughts to my most intimate friend? The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. Can you explain the difference between a drawer, a drawer and a drawer?

Some usages in English can leave you perplexed. For instance, How can 'you are so cool' and 'you are not so hot' have opposite meanings? How can a 'slim chance' and a 'fat chance' be the same whereas 'wise man' and 'wise guy' are opposites? Why do 'overlook' and 'oversee' mean opposite things?

English is not an easy language. See for yourself and answer the questions below using only the words YES or NO:
1) ___ I am stupid.
2) ___ I am illiterate.
3) ___ I have problems.

Better still, let's see how fast can you interpret the meaning of the following lines. A duel was fought between Alexander Shott and John Nott. Nott was shot and Shott was not. In this case it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some said that Nott was not shot. But Shott says that he shot Nott. It may be that the shot Shott shot, shot Nott, or it may be possible that the shot Shott shot, shot Shott himself. We think, however, that the shot Shott shot, shot not Shott, but Nott. Anyway it is hard to tell which was shot and which was not.

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist? If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible? Why is '11' pronounced as 'eleven' and not 'onety one'? If people from Poland are called 'Poles', why aren't people from Holland called 'Holes'? If vegetarians can eat vegetables, what can humanitarians eat? A boxing 'ring' is square in shape. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? Why is it that doctors call what they do as 'practice'? Why is it that rain drops but snow falls? One has to park on driveways but drive on parkways. How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell the other day? When the stars are out, they are visible but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

One cannot but marvel at the unique charm of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down and in which you fill in a form by filling it out. In some cases, one also has to be grateful for such contradictions. For example the masculine pronouns for 'he' are 'his' and 'him' but fortunately the same for 'she' is not 'shis' and 'shim'. Isn't it amusing that the nose can run whereas feet can smell. The word 'abbreviation' is so long when it actually means 'a shortened form'.

Though all these sentences and phrases sound weird, they still make sense and it shows how creative humans are, with a touch of weird wackiness that only we can have. It is just a proof of the brilliancy of the human mind to be able to form such a complex, unique, illogical language and yet be able to use it in our day to day life. It's funny how barely any of us stop and think twice about some of the things that we say often. This proves how English is taken for granted! No one has ever questioned the correctness of this language and have blindly accepted it. The English language is odd but is it too late to correct these contradictions? Over 100 years ago, English was spoken differently, so who's to say that in a hundred years from now, it would remain the same. Humans aren't perfect but they can achieve the perfection of whatever they pursue, although it would be tough to come out of the comfort zone and adapt to changes. People are used to pronouncing '11' as 'eleven' and not onety one.

Personally this wonderful language would never have been this awesome without all these odd touches here and there. This is the beauty of English! Last but not the least, when I wind up my watch, I start it but when I wind up my essay, I end it?

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